I'm a hoity toity b**ch

This is another story that happened when I was in New York. It was so incredible to me, so unbelievably unbelievable, that three simple words could turn me into a snobby West coaster, I had to share it with the person sitting next to me on the plane, and now I'm sharing it with you.



This is a cup of so-called coffee from the little stand masquerading as a real coffee stand at the Newark Airport in New Jersey. My sister and I were of course running late, yet still decided to grab a cup of coffee before boarding the flight back to Seattle. We waited in a short line and I hastily ordered a 12-ounce drip and two bagels with cream cheese. Here's what happened after that.

A moment of confusion, then the clerk says, "Did you want anything else?"

"Nope, that's it, " I say. She gives me the total and I remember thinking that was cheap. I give her my card to pay.

My sister walks up and says, "I thought you wanted coffee..?"

This time I look confused and say, "I DID order a coffee..." and look at the clerk, who shakes her head.

I say, "I ordered a 12-ounce drip."

Then she says, "What's a 'drip?'"

I am dumbfounded. Flabbergasted. Think I am in some sort of parallel universe where they've never heard of coffee. I am back in high school.*

(*Footnote: When I was in high school I was a sarcastic little bitch, I fully admit it. Some people thought it was mean, but I thought it was funny. I'm much nicer now, now that I'm all 'grown up,' but the clerk's ridiculously absurd question sent me back to 1987.)

As the voice overhead is now announcing the final boarding call for the flight to Seattle, a number of responses go through my mind, but to the plump, coffee-ignorant girl with the greasy ponytail behind the register, I choose to say in the most icy voice I can muster, "THAT'S a COFFEE."

I hear my sister sing-songily say , "You're being mean again..." but I hold up my hand as I order a 12-ounce "coffee." I walk on the plane with a "get me out of here" and proceed to drink the worst cup of coffee ever.

"What's a drip?" I hope I never hear those words uttered from another human being again.

"What's a drip?" Hmph!